not just an ordinary marriage failure

This weekend I will finally get to meet my friend and mentor, Bonnie Kaye. I will get to meet her and a dozen other "straight wives" as we call ourselves. It is sure to be a very emotionally real and healing as we gather in Houston, TX.
I've been re-reading for the umpteenth time Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk, a Collection of Her Best Newsletters About Gay Husbands. There's a good and a bad that come to mind every time I pick up the book. The bad is that I can relate to most of what is written in there. The good is that I can relate to most of what is in there. yes, I repeated myself. The good is good because it means I'm not alone. Yikes, but that is bad too, because it means far too many women have gone through what I've gone through.
Well it is what it is and that brings me to my reason for writing tonight. I want to copy a paragraph from Bonnie's book taken from the December 2007 Newsletter called Happy Holidays to Us. Here goes:

Many of us hear this...we should get over it. After all, half of marriages end in divorce, and life goes on. While that is true, most marriages don't come with the baggage that ours do. Our marriages are unique. We all share the same problems that straight marriages have, but we also have added issues that other divorces don't have. Other marriages may end due to a number of problems including incompatability, financial problems, growing apart, being married too young, mental health issues, or drugs and alcohol. But at least women in those marriages knew what the problems were. They weren't living someone else's lie and not understanding why they were facing the emotional turmoil and distancing.( I'm sure much of that is felt however in marriages with affairs taking place) Our marriages included a number of these common issues, but the worst issue wasn't one that we could see, but one that we couldn't see, didn't know, didn't suspect, or didn't understand. Our marriages were ruined without any ability to get better because they weren't able to be fixed. Homosexuality is not a problem that can be solved in a marriage-( and in marriage to a straight spouse) it's a problem PERIOD. It doesn't belong there lurking, hiding, and rearing it's ugly head.

Debbie again: there is so much more I could write here today and every day but I will stop here for now. Check back, especially after this weekend, for more real stuff from this straight wife.

debbie