should I stay or should I go?

 Everyday I read a new tale of a straight wife who has just discovered that her husband is gay. And everyday  I am saddened and angered. Again? It seems to be happening at an alarming rate.
These ladies who have just discovered the ugly truth are so hurt, confused, and shocked. The time it takes to process something like this is usually not quick. I understand that they may not know right away if they want to end the marriage or not.
But in addition, I also regularly read stories of women who are still with their gay husbands 3, 4, or, even 5 years after discovering that they are gay. They still say that they don't know what to do, but they never say they are happy.

Here's something Bonnie Kaye, my friend and mentor, has to say about this:

"The longer you stay, the harder it becomes to leave. Now some of you would think that the longer you stay the more disgusted  you'll become and the easier it will be for you to leave. That's not the way it works. The longer you stay the more comfortable you become with your surroundings, yet with a weaker mental state that makes you more willing to sacrifice happiness for material security. The older you get, the more difficult it is to start over. The longer you stay, the more of your life you throw away. Living with a gay husband is living in an abusive situation. No matter how nice your gay husband is, knowing that he wants to be with a man and not you is emotionally destructive. And I refuse to condone this because it would make me irresponsible. This is not to say that your gay husband is intentionally abusive, BUT the entire situation is abusive. Peace of mind and a sense of self worth is something that you cannot achieve when living with a gay man. Period."

Bonnie knows that there are some legitimate reasons why it can take a woman a few years or more to get out. But she urges all straight wives to make an exit plan and to continue moving forward toward the goal of freedom and peace of mind because every day that you stay in a debilitating situation is another day lost that can't be returned to you.

So, start preparing to take your life back!

debbie