who would we be?

Back in April of 2001, Bonnie Kaye wrote these words. They come from her April 2001 Newsletter as published in Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk, a Collection of Her Best Newsletters About Gay Husbands.
These two paragraphs struck me when I first read them, and they still strike me now. It doesn't help to play the "what if game" often, but it DOES put things in perspective. We all could use a little perspective.
Here goes:

APRIL 2001

Just think. Who would we be today if we had a normal straight husband? How would our destiny have changed if we were loved, nurtured, sexually desired with passion and tenderness, given emotional support and encouragement, and made to feel like we are a part of a real couple in tune with each other's needs, wants, and aspirations? What if we didn't have to spend countless hours each day wondering why we are failures as wives, women, and lovers--ripping away at our self-esteem layer by layer until we became strangers to ourselves and others? What if our husband's dishonesty and cheating didn't change us to become untrusting, suspicious, and doubting wives, forcing us to question our ability to make rational decisions? How many of us were sidetracked through those "detours of deceit" that diverted us from the direction that life may have taken otherwise?

You may be thinking, "My marriage with my husband isn't/wasn't THAT bad. After all, we were pretty good friends. If that's you, I am happy for you (not my experience),

BUT...the bottom line is no matter how much a gay man loves a straight woman, it is not the kind of love that fulfills the basic human need that all of us have. It can never be the kind of love that inspires the music that becomes classics or the poetry that makes the heart flutter. It is not the kind of love that can ever be returned to the degree that you are giving it. Even the best of these relationships are barely more than great friendships--not the passion and excitement that makes us thrive and look forward to waking up each day. And even these "good friendships" are woven with dishonesty, distrust, infidelity, resentment, and frustration.

Life was not meant to be this complicated.

Again, Bonnie, thank you for your wisdom. Who would we be without you?

debbie